Trapped Inside Snape's Twisted Little Mind
by Cynical-Sweetheart
Summary: (A sequel to Nobody Cares) Harry's dreams no longer are victim to Voldemort. What happens when the infamous potions master gets inside Harry's head and makes him want to do things, like run around in dresses? What if Malfoy discovers how to get into Harry
1. Default Chapter

A/N: Due to the positive, yet somewhat small response to my first mini book, I decided to write this book for those who had faith in me.lol..Why am I lying? You all had no faith! But anyway, This one deals with Harry's scar somehow getting triggered to pain when people want something done.might not seem so funny with somebody like Dumbledore now.but what if Snape and Malfoy find out? Expect funny beyond belief .now with the fic. Enjoy.  
  
Harry awoke with a violent start in his bed at Hogwarts. The constant throbbing of his scar had once again forced him awake through violent screams and groans. Harry had been having another nightmare, only this one was the oddest by far, he kept seeing visions of car wax and a bucket of soapy water. An odd, yet strangely terrifying sight, was Harry to wash a car?  
  
Quickly retaining himself after a series of deep breaths, Harry dressed and made his way to Professor Dumbledore's office. There was no telling what the dream could have meant, never mind it's insignificance or it's irrelevance to current events, unless Voldemort wanted Harry to wash and wax his car, that is. Before long, Harry made his way to Dumbledore's office.  
  
"Cherry-flavored rat turds," Harry announced to the Gargoyle and flew up the steps in a rush. For a brief moment, Harry pondered if Dumbledore would even be awake at this hour of the morning. His ponders were put at rest when Dumbledore himself answered the door.  
  
"Hello Harry, is something the matter?"  
  
"Well, yes sir, I've had a quite unusual dream just now and I figured you would want to hear about it."  
  
"You figured correctly, Harry. Tell me of this recent dream."  
  
"Well, erm, I was in Godric Hollow, I have no idea how I arrived there and I know nobody who lives there. In front of every lawn was a person from my past and in each of their hands, a piece of parchment. When I got within a twenty-foot radius of a certain home, I saw my mum and dad and as I closed in on five feet, I saw that my mum and dad weren't there at all and instead a bucket of hot soapy water and a bottle of car wax stood beside a dirty old car that had a strange note on it: Wash me. And then sir, I-"  
  
"You what, Harry?"  
  
"I wanted to wash the car."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"-Er, yeah. Isn't that a bit, odd?"  
  
"For you Harry, nothing is odd, everything is completely normal. But it's an interesting dream, for you see, I was just thinking about washing my car! Now, perhaps there is little relevance, but I am supposing that you can read people's thoughts. Maybe not intentionally, but you can read them. However Harry, we must be cautious, letting this secret out into the open could cause disaster, understand?"  
  
"Entirely Professor Dumbledore."  
  
"Good boy, now you be on your way. And Harry, one little favor."  
  
"Anything Professor."  
  
"Stay out of my thoughts, please."  
  
"Oh, okay."  
  
From behind the door of Dumbledore's office, Severus Snape smiled like a fat kid who had just been sentenced to serve life in a Krispy Kreme Doughnut Factory.  
  
A/N: If you're planning for the worst.you're catching onto the plot! Chapter 2 up momentarily! R&R later and please recommend me! 


	2. Evil Professors and PolkaDotted Bikikis

A/N: This chapter will make you laugh, so get ready. Oh, and check out the next chapter with Malfoy. The agony of it all. Okay, here it goes!  
  
Professor Snape walked down the corridors one by one, patrolling and giving away detentions as if he were giving out flyers. One by one, the students went back to their dormitories and within thirty minutes time, he was alone. Walking back to his own room, he glanced about suspiciously and when he'd reached the door, he opened it briskly and slammed it shut behind him. He smiled deviously as he looked at the potion he had just brewed this morning. It was a dream-interference potion, used to get inside people's minds while they were either unconscious or dreaming. Snape took a big chug of the drink and slowly morphed into a silvery liquid that splashed to the floor.  
  
He made his way under the office door and up a stairwell where he found the Gryffindor commons. Sliding his way through the portrait, he made his way up to the boy's dormitory room labeled: sixth years. He slid under this door as well and found himself sliding his way towards Harry, who was deep in dream . . .  
  
*`*`*`*`*`*`*  
  
Harry was dreaming the most pleasant dream. He was gliding slowly towards a most beautiful figure never looked upon before by human eyes. It was a female human figure, Harry could see, but it was far too flawless to be human. Its long golden hair fell into its pale smooth skin and deep blue eyes as it seemed to be painting its fingernails. He called to it and slowly it craned its neck upwards to look at what was calling it.  
  
"Yes," it replied with a syrupy sweet voice fit to sing a lullaby.  
  
"You are by far the most beautiful . . . -er, what are you?"  
  
"I am a human, much like yourself. Thank you for the compliment. However."  
  
"You can't be human, you're far too flawless to be a human. Why, if I was to ever meet a human like you anywhere in London, I'd be compelled to do the wildest things."  
  
"You don't say . . . Tell me Harry, you'd do anything for me? Absolutely anything?"  
  
"But of course."  
  
"Come with me then, young Harry . . . I will show you marvelous things I can do if only you would perform a little task."  
  
Harry followed the Creature to a wide and open meadow generously sprinkled with the most assorted selection of wildflowers he'd ever seen. From almost nowhere, the creature picked up a polka-dotted bikini and thrusted it towards Harry.  
  
"Try this on, would you? I need to see how it would look on me, but, I can't try it on , I just painted my fingernails."  
  
Harry inspected the creature's fingernails and saw that they did look as if they were still wet. He looked up and suspiciously eyed the creature.  
  
"Well, I-"  
  
"Oh come now, It's only us here. And besides, you said you'd do anything."  
  
"Well, I'll do it I suppose."  
  
Harry looked around for a stall and one appeared in front of his very eyes. He picked up the bikini and hesitated for a moment. Deciding to get it over with, he took off his clothes and slid into the bikini. He exited the stall and the creature looked at him beaming radiantly.  
  
"I knew it would look good. Could you keep it on for a few more moments though? I still need to plan what sandals to wear with it."  
  
"Oh, I don't know-"  
  
"You said you'd do anything for me, Harry."  
  
"Oh, alright. But do hurry, I'm getting very hungry and I would like to return home to get something to eat."  
  
"Nevermind going home, you can eat one of those apples from that tree over yonder."  
  
"Great idea."  
  
Harry looked at the tree and realized something. He had not seen this tree in the meadow a few moments ago. He also noticed that there was one apple left on the tree, and for some odd reason, this apple reminded Harry of an alarm placed in the main hall of Hogwarts.  
  
"Harry, hurry up. If you do, I think I might have a kiss saved for you."  
  
"Oh, I'm rushing now!"  
  
Harry pulled the apple from the tree and the quiet tranquility of the meadow was now being overpowered by a strange alarm-like ringing noise. He looked around and everything spun around momentarily. Then, Harry heard great rings of laughter. Rubbing his eyes, Harry realized he was no longer in the meadow. He was standing in the center of the great hall. And neither was he alone anymore. The entirety of Hogwarts School was pointing and laughing, breaking into fits of hysterics. Harry pondered for a moment about what they could be laughing at and then it dawned upon him.  
  
He was wearing a polka-dot bikini.  
  
Draco Malfoy came forward and sneered at Harry.  
  
"Having a bit of a beach party, are we Potter? Too bad there's no beach!"  
  
Ron and Hermione too stepped forward, obviously embarrassed for their friend.  
  
"Harry? What in the- why are you- and why did you pull the- polka dot does nothing for you, man," Ron said trying to retain serious fits of laughter.  
  
"Oh Ron, stop it, will you? Harry, why are you wearing a bikini though, it's vaguely familiar though - hey, that's mine! Harry, did you steal it from the house elves? Oh I am so embarrassed!"  
  
"You? What about me? Oh, if Professor McGonagall and Dumbledore find out-"  
  
"Too late for that, Potter!" McGonagall cried, pushing her way through the crowd that surrounded Harry. Harry noticed that Dumbledore too followed her.  
  
"Detention for a week, Potter. Honestly! Masquerading through the school in female water fashion! Miss Granger, if I were you, I'd have that discarded immediately!"  
  
Hermione blushed fiercely and scowled at Harry before making her way out of the crowd.  
  
Dumbledore looked from McGonagall to Harry and to Professor Snape who stood at the rear of the room. Suddenly, he addressed the school.  
  
"The show is over, I'm afraid. We now all know what Harry Potter looks like in a bikini and though most of you may find this sight rather disturbing, I'm sure most of the females would agree with me when I say polka-dots do wonders for Harry's figure. That is all. Students and staff back to bed please, with the exception of Professor Snape and Harry. Minerva, fetch Potter a towel please."  
  
The crowd disappeared slowly and it was clear for Harry to see the extreme look of happiness on Professor Snape's face. When the hall had cleared, Professor Dumbledore spoke.  
  
"Severus, I trust you know nothing of these recent events."  
  
"Correct headmaster. If I had known, I would have stopped Mr. Potter here from even trying on that wretched bikini, the feeling of embarrassment is horrible, I too felt it here at Hogwarts in my youth."  
  
"I am sure, Severus. And I'm sure you also know that entering into pupil's dreams with a certain dream-interference potion is a very serious offence not to be taken likely."  
  
Snape's grin disappeared and was replaced by a look of terror.  
  
"You don't mean to believe that I had something to do with this, do you?"  
  
"I never said such a thing. I wanted you to look into the matter personally and look for any teachers who have had access to those ingredients. I'm sure you would know what they are, considering you brewed a similar potion in your sixth year and it backfired because of James Potter. I think your bikini was pink and lined with lace, however."  
  
"I'll be sure to look into the matter, Professor."  
  
Snape left without so much as looking at Harry and then it was Dumbledore and Harry left in the great hall.  
  
"Harry, I believe you know it was Snape who brewed the potion tonight. However, I ask that you not retailiate, it could make matters worse."  
  
"I understand sir. But what's to stop anybody else from knowing and taking advantage of me?"  
  
"Nothing really. Just hope for the best. Now I must be leaving. Minerva should be back shortly with your towel. Sleep well!"  
  
Harry stood dumbfounded at the prospect that he could do nothing about people repeating what they had done tonight. He would just have to hope for the best.  
  
*`*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Draco Malfoy stood behind the portrait wall with a pencil in his hands. By this time tomorrow, Harry Potter would become the laughing stock of Hogwarts. He'd make sure of that.  
  
A/N: Think Snape was bad? Draco Malfoy has a bit of a score to settle with Harry, and it won't end anytime soon. Let's see if the potions master gets shown up in the next chapter! Oh, R&R plz!!! 


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